did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
