you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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