Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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