I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
porn star boner night. come get it.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
