I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
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i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
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I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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