are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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