i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
