Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
