sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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