Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
