he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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