everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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