I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
