i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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