Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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