I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
