if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
