I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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