this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
