what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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