so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
