do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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