I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
