I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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