I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I look excited, but its just a facade.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
