Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
