You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
