My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
