The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
