he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
