my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
