Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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