This is not my ceiling
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the day after is always just damage control
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
