when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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