I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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