new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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