I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
