i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
