Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
