I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
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I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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