can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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