I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
