So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
