Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
