Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
