I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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