I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
