Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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