Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
