how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
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