He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
