At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
