Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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