So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
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Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
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YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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