you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
