dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
This is my gift to your gina
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
