The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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