Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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