i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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