Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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