If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He did a backflip because drugs
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
