so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
