My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Drunk is a universal language darling
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
