I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
