i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
