Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
