Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
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I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
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There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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