just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
