I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
