my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
