just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
