I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
