Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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