Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
