I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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