One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
